I hear from many parents that they dread homework time. It is often stressful for both the children and their guardians. Most people have busy schedules and pressures, so it is easy to see how tensions can arise.
Building a positive rapport that supports your children’s learning can go a long way to reducing those tensions.
- Be a Supporter!
Change your role from being an enforcer to being a supportive guide – a coach. Children respond better when they feel you and they are part of a team. Shift from demands to encouragement:
- What do you need to do here?
- How can I help you get started?
- Where are you getting stuck?
- Create a Judgment-Free Environment
Students do better when they feel safe to make mistakes – even if they are whoppers. Lean in to humour and be self-deprecating from time-to-time. Admit it – we all make mistakes, and sometimes incredibly silly ones. Let them know that the most successful people had massive failures along the way.
Perfection does not exist, so toss that idea out the window. Instead, encourage effort.
- This isn’t great, yet, but I like how you keep trying.
- You will get this in time.
Above all, stay calm and supportive.
- Routine is Key
Having a regular time and place for homework establishes a foundation, reducing task avoidance and arguments.
Try to create a space with few distractions, good lighting, and a solid surface for writing or typing. Sitting up straight on a chair makes a difference!
Having children help create the space makes them feel part of the process and not just a cog in a wheel.
- Be Present, but Encourage Independence, too!
Younger children will require more support than older students, so your presence will vary over time and skill levels.
When you are engaged in helping, be sure that you are fully present. Turn off or ignore your phone and other distractions. Modelling focus and strong attention skills helps children see how they should behave.
Make eye contact. Listen attentively without interrupting. They need to feel some control.
The goal is to develop an independent learner. You don’t need to jump in all the time. Allow them to make a few mistakes. It is how we learn. When you do step in, try to lead them to the answer rather than simply providing it.
- What do you think the next step is?
- Can you explain how your got that?
Once again, you will be making them an integral part of their own learning.
- Emotions
Homework time can be an emotional roller coaster. Try to keep your own emotions in check. Allow children to express their frustration, fear, even anger, but model a calm approach. After all, more turmoil wont’ help.
Still, you are human, and it’s all right to let them see that you must deal with emotions as well.
When things get too stressful, it is time to take a short break. Acknowledge their feelings, your feelings, and regroup.
- The Homework Experience
When you are present during homework, spend some time celebrating small wins: a chapter read, a paragraph written in rough draft, a few math problems attempted – even if wrong.
Their effort, if is it genuine, counts. Resilience – not giving up, is important. Share a few moments to laugh, tell stories, and relate experiences that make everyone feel more human – breaking down barriers. Sometimes sharing a snack during a short break from homework can serve as a jumping-off point to discuss how things are going.
Try to ask open-ended questions.
- What are the steps of the math questions you are doing?
- What is the story about? Who is your favourite character and why?
Avoid asking questions that can be answered with one word.
It takes time to build trust, confidence, and a solid rapport if one doesn’t already exist around homework, but it can be done.
These kinds of relationships and experiences will stay with them for a lifetime. It is well worth the effort.
Keep learning, and keep having fun!